STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
