He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
