HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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