i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
