quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
