Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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