Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
