just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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