a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
