i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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