She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm like, not good at living.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
