when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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