So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
