i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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