I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
