His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
