I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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