I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
