I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
