so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
