Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize