the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
