I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
