I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
