just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you made out with another girl for some wings
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
