Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
