Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
