i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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