I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
