Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
