That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize