walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize