and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am available for nakedness
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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