I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
