i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
