If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize