I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
