I want to have your abortion
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
