Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
