You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
