She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
