D3 body, D1 cock
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
