just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
