Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
