PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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