If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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