He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
