the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
