I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
