those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
