A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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