she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His nipple licking is glorious
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