You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
