and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
