the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
