i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
