Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
