so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
