guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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