My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
