so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
