I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
