Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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