everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
