Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize