How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
