just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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