Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
