big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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