I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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